Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
