i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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