just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
