haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
