I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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