thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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