Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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