I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
