Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He shit in the fireplace
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
