Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
