OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
