Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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