my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
