they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
