Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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