Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
