mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
