Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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