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I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
