I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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