I could make wine with my vomit
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We don't watch enough power rangers
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
