We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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