Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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