hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
