tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize