Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
