What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
