How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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