My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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