i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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