sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
