arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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