Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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