Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
