I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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