why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
