i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
