I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
