I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
