lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
