I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
