just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
