I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
