Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So much Jack, so little girl.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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