So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
