We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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