I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
