my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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