Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
