I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
