I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize