We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
