So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
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Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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