you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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