Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize