His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
