WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
