Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
