I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
